Three Dates, One Weekend: Date #1

So when it rains,it pours.  I have had one date in the last year, and now I have three in one

Young couple holding hands with sun-flare.

Young couple holding hands with sun-flare.

weekend!  Apparently getting brutally honest in my dating profile about what I’m looking for and what I won’t tolerate was just the trick to attract some potentially good matches.

Date #1:  Friday Afternoon Cocktails

I met Ken at a waterfront bar and restaurant.  It was blazing hot outside, absolutely sweltering.  I had just come from a business meeting and had on a dress.  (A dress made out of a non-breathable fabric that had my ass sticking to the leather seats in my car thanks to profuse sweating.)   I cleaned up pretty good for this one, and felt pretty good about my overall appearance.

His pictures had not been very clear on Match.  They were all kind of distant shots of him so it was hard to tell what he really looked like.  YES he was very nice looking in person!  I was pleasantly surprised.

We sat and talked over beers and an appetizer for almost two hours.  The conversation flowed, we had a lot in common, especially in our love for the beach.  We laughed a lot.

He has been married twice, and has no kids.  Has all the things on “The List,” with one technical problem.  He still lives with his ex-girlfriend.  Apparently she has two small daughters and he felt obliged to let them live there so they can finish out this next school year.  He volunteered this information up front and was very candid about it.  He said they just live under the same roof but otherwise do not have a romantic relationship.  I think that’s a little odd and might bother me if we move forward.  I guess I’ll just have to wait and see about that one.

When we finished our beers we went walking on the waterfront.  He held my hand and we had a nice chat strolling along the docks.  Then we both agreed it was entirely too hot to be out there so he walked me back to my car and we parted company.

A little while later I got this note from him:

Thank you for meeting me. You are engaging, attractive, and intelligent. I hope I can see you again. I stopped by <bar name omitted> to watch the storm come in. Looking out over the river as the lightning flashes, thunder and cool breeze roll over the deck. Thinking of you.

This one shows some real promise!  I have dates two and three later today, one for lunch, one for dinner.  I’ll be back with a report about those!

From the Trenches….

Just an update for you, in case you’re wondering how dating is going.  After many month sof hitting on absolutely NOTHING on Match.com, I decided to try Plenty of Fish  again.  I wasn’t having any luck on Match.

Then, one day I had a great coffee date with a guy named Charlie.  He seemed to be very interested in me.  He said he wanted to see me again, and he e-mailed me a few times, then disappeared.  No more Match account, and no more e-mails.  Ghosted again.  

Not long after that, I had a date with Butch, a doctor.  I enjoyed his company but he had a mustache that drove me crazy.  I don’t like mustaches in general, unless they are accompanied by a beard.  I think just a mustache looks very “porn-star-ish.”  But, I figured if he stuck around long enough I could tell him, “Hon, not only is your mustache a distraction, it’s also poorly groomed.  Here’s $20, go buy some taste on your way to the barber shop to have that shit shaved off your lip.  You look like you’ve been bobbing for caterpillars.”

(Or something like that).

We met once for drinks and a bite to eat, and it went very well.  Then we went out on a date one night, and that also went well.  He travels a lot for work and so do I, so we didn’t see each other for the next two or three weeks or so.  He texted me a few times, and seemed interested.  Then one day I got an e-mail from him that said he didn’t think we should see each other or try to move forward any further.  I have no idea what that was about.  In a way it was a relief because I really did dread dealing with that mustache issue.

So I was getting very frustrated.  I had changed my online profile to include a “must-have” list.  I decided if I was going to have any success, I needed to be very up front about what I wanted.  So, I made a list.  “The List” as it has become known has all the qualities I’m looking for in a man.  Things I must have.  For instance, it says that any suitor of mine must love dogs.  I’m not going to deal with someone who doesn’t appreciate dog presence.  It also says that my perfect mate will respect and support equal rights for LGBTQ persons, because I have several friends who are LGBTQ and I can’t date someone who doesn’t respect them or who makes fun of them.

“The List” is NOT superficial.  It says nothing about looks, build, occupation, income, or penis size.  It is a carefully thought-out list of things that are really important to me, and it was created in large part due to bad experiences that I do not care to repeat.

I received several nasty notes from guys who did not meet the requirements set forth on the list.  “Do you honestly expect to find someone like this?” was what one guy asked me, while simultaneously calling me an “alpha female.”  I blocked his ass and moved on about my day.

One day, though, I was contacted by someone who said, “I’ve read your list.  I think it’s great.  I think I meet everything on it.  Hope to talk to you more.”   And then I got another e-mail, and another!  So this weekend, I have THREE meet-and-greet dates with three different people.  All of them seem very nice, and I’m excited to meet them all.   Fingers crossed that these go well.

My Picker

pickerSo after encountering what was obviously a scammer, and a guy who thought we should go straight from talking briefly online to me coming to his house for a drink to sell my art work to him, I am very comfortable with my decision to unsubscribe from Match.com   My subscription ends in July (it’s paid up until then and they don’t give refunds), so I will continue to monitor traffic on there, but then I’m done.

I was discussing this with a friend of mine, who said “Match sucks… I’m on Plenty of Fish.”  I was like, “Hmmmmm…. should I give it a try again?  After all, it’s free….”  So I logged back in and updated my profile and started surfing.  Who is the FIRST person I see?   Ghost Boy!

Now that might not seem so strange, except for the fact that when we first met, he talked about how ridiculous and useless those online dating sites are, how awful they are, etc.  He went on and on about what a waste of time it was to be on them, and how all you encounter are the same old losers.

I tend to agree.

When I read his profile I just shook my head….

I am just a normal guy with a big heart…I am finished with the game players and am looking for someone who is ready to settle down and enjoy life. I am looking for a lady that is stable and is full of self confidence……feels good in her own skin, and does not have hang ups about herself. I like confidence!……. Heck, It does not matter what you do….just as long as you enjoy it! Tired of the games? Me too! Looking for a honest, caring, supportive and faithful companion. Have you purged your past relationships and opened up all the luggage and worked through the issues? Have you extinguished all the old flames still burning in the back of your head for someone else? I am not looking just for sex, games or to make someone jealous or help you get over the person that just dumped you. I am seeking a real lady that has it together and understands the real reason that men and women join together. Are there any women out there that are REALLY looking to settle down now days?

This is new since I joined the site…

1. Okay, I see that this is going to be difficult….you girls must get overwhelmed with useless banter…..If I drop off with conversation it is because I can tell you are distracted and not paying attention….SORRY, but that much I have figured out already….

Doesn’t like games, huh?   Could have fooled me.  Wants a woman to be herself, and direct?  Could have fooled me.  I was never “distracted” from our conversation, if anything he was the one who didn’t respond in a timely manner to texts and such.

I suppose I am still second-guessing myself when it comes to this whole dating thing.  I’m 48 years old (and the clock seems to tick faster and faster straight towards 50). What did I do wrong where he is concerned?  If I came across this profile and had not met him I would think, “We’re a great match,” but clearly we are not.

As one of my southern friends once said about another friend, “Her picker is broke.”  (For you non-southerners out there, a picker is a fancy term for a selection tool, and not someone playing a banjo or other stringed instrument.  And broke is just our more colorful way of saying “broken.”  I do indeed realize it’s grammatically incorrect, but it sounds more southern that way!).

I think my picker is broke!  

But, hey, it’s free to look, and interestingly enough someone from Match has asked me out for a coffee this afternoon, so I’m going to go see how that goes and I’ll report back to you…of course if my picker is broke how in the hell will I know what to make of him????