Handyman

I have hesitated to write about this, because I don’t want to jinx anything.  But, I’ve been dating someone for a couple of months.  I found him just when I had truly given up, too.  I had deleted all my profiles off the dating sites and decided that I would be better-off spending my evenings and weekends painting, sleeping, or giving the dogs a bath rather than out trying to meet people off the internet.

Isn’t that what they always say, though?  You’ll meet someone when you aren’t looking?  I actually met him last summer via Match.com, but timing was bad.  We reconnected in November and have been seeing each other ever since.  I shall call him “The Handyman” because he does laundry, washes dishes, helps me cook, fixes things, etc.

We have a ton of things in common, and our differences are manageable and not a big deal.  We even share the same birthday!  He and my son get along great.  He’s got a great sense of humor.  He loves my dogs, and my dogs adore him.

I’ve enjoyed being with Handyman so much that it’s too comfortable.  There’s no drama, no conflict, no stress.  As a result, I have been secretly waiting on the other shoe to drop.  When is he going to finally open up and reveal that dark, ugly, nasty secret that must be hidden there?

Friday night we started talking about how much fun we’re having, and he said “I can’t figure you out… I’m waiting on the other shoe to drop.”  I laughed and said I was feeling the same way.

My pal Stephanie told me that instead of waiting for shoes to drop we should just both take off our shoes and have fun.  That’s what I’m trying to do.

A Report from the Dating Trenches

download (1)Well…so far so good I guess.  I have been back on Match for two weeks.  I’ve encountered all sorts of people who either can’t or won’t read.  I’ve been approached by PEOPLE WHO TYPE IN ALL CAPITALS and by people who have no knowledge of punctuation.  Delete, block, next…

One guy came at me very hard and heavy, giving me his phone number right off the bat, saying he was a professor at a university near here and wanted to talk.  I checked him out and sure enough, he was who he said he was.  I gave him my number.  Then he stopped talking to me immediately.  What kind of game was that?

Of course, there’s the guy with no photo on his profile who wants me to meet him somewhere.  Uh, no.  I told him I didn’t trust anyone who wouldn’t put a picture up.  He said he’d text me one, but I told him no, I didn’t want to give out my number.  He said okay, stay in touch.  Delete. Block.  Next.

I am talking to one man who is very smart, very literate, and has two master’s degrees.  He’s a retired marine working on a second career as a government contractor.  Into martial arts, and quite handsome.  Our conversations have moved along nice and slow, and so far he has not pressured me for a phone number or a meeting.  We were talking pretty intensely for a few days and he seems to have cooled off in terms of contact.  I’m just going to sit back and let him make the next move, although I confess pat of me wonders what in the hell I said wrong.

And one day, by mistake, I signed on to OKStupid.  I meant to sign on to Match and just typed in the wrong URL by mistake, not even thinking.  I had a message from a man named Peter who was quite interested.  He is a financial planner and showed me his website to verify his identity.  He volunteered that info without my asking for it.  We have talked on the phone once and have plans to meet for lunch next weekend at a midpoint between our two towns.  We’ll see how that goes.

So, nothing earth shattering to report.  Moving slowly, as I promised I would, and so far that’s working for me.  I’ll keep you posted….

I’m Still Alone….

It’s Friday night.  I went out with a friend for her birthday.  She had somewhere to be early in the evening so asked if we could have dinner at 5:30.  I was fine with that.  What I was not fine was getting home, taking off my make-up, putting on my sleep clothes and realizing it wasn’t even 7:00.

When I left dinner I started to go to a bar, but I don’t know anyone who goes to those places in town.  Everyone I know is married or doesn’t drink (or both) so the odds of running into anyone I know and like at a bar are very very slim.  Thus, I would be going there to hopefully find some single person who was also unaccompanied.  I’m 47 years old and I’ve never met anyone in a bar who proved to be worth the time it took to get to know them.  I’m figuring that reality of single life hasn’t changed.

I flopped down on the sofa and took a nap.  At 10:00 p.m. I woke up and was all alone.  Nobody in the house, my son was still at work.  No one to talk to, no one to hang out with.  And even at that point, I still don’t see the point of signing on to a dating website again.  My hope for that venue has just dried up and evaporated.  Still.

Do I get lonely from time to time?  Occasionally.  But it just doesn’t seem worth going back into the dating world to try and solve that problem.  It’s bothering me somewhat tonight because a friend of mine just passed away.  And I saw his wife’s post on Facebook.  She talked about how lucky she was to have shared the love of such a good man.  They were a cute couple–happy, content, and they had a real partnership.  It made me sad to think about the fact that I may never have that.  But, I can’t force it.  I’ve tried that before.  And it always ends up in disaster.

So it’s after midnight, and I’m still alone.  But, that’s okay.

“Date-Free” And Loving It!

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The face I made after listening to some of the people I met on dating sites….

It’s been over two months since I gave up on meeting anyone special.  I did have one or two other prospects that were carryovers from the online dating scene, but they quickly faded away.

One was named Allen.  He was a Naval officer who lived about 3 hours from me.  We met one day at an in-between point and had lunch, drank some wine, had a great time, and promised we were going to get together again.  Each time I would suggest something he was busy.  If he suggested something, I was busy with work or medical appointments or travel of my own.  Then one day he said he was coming to see me on Wednesday and taking me out to dinner.  Cool!  I was really looking forward to that.

I never heard another word.  Not one word.

There was no pathetic text breaking the date because his dog was sick with strep, no “Sorry, I can’t make it” call.  Nothing.  I am assuming he either met somebody else or he was with someone else all along.  No great loss, he talked a lot about himself and would sometimes leave me bored senseless from listening to his stories about work.

 

Since then, I have been completely “date-free.”  No social life with the opposite sex, and no prospect of one.  Candidly, I really don’t miss the ups and downs of checking a dating site every day.  Mostly what I found were scammers looking for a sucker, or idiots who couldn’t read (or couldn’t comprehend what they read).  It was exhausting after awhile.  So, I am back to the old fashioned standard of meeting people in bars.

That was a joke.  I rarely go to bars, and when I do I’m with my friends and not looking to meet anyone.  I just said that to see if you were awake.

During this hiatus from dating, I am getting to know myself a little better, I’ve had a lot more time to focus on my job and best of all I’ve spent a lot more time with my son.  These are all good uses of my time and I think in many ways they are having a healing effect on me.  I sometimes find myself with too much time on my hands, and that is not a bad thing, either.  I relax.  I watch movies or engage in mindless activities. As a result I don’t feel overworked or spread too thin or worn out.  Hey, the bright side is that if Mr. Right shows up maybe I won’t ruin it by being exhausted and jaded from the online dating fiasco!  Maybe there is something to be said for this “date-free” lifestyle!