Three Dates, One Weekend: Dates #2 & #3

online-dating-header2Well, like I said, when it rains, it pours.  I’ve been on such a dry spell for so long and then BAM, here are three eligible guys who all want to take me out on a date.  I already told you about date #1, which was Friday afternoon.  Here’s the report on date #2 and date #3.

Date #2 was early afternoon on Saturday.  We met at a brewery and enjoyed some craft beers together.  His pictures did not do him justice, he was much better looking in person than in his photos.  The conversation flowed easily and I think would have gone on for hours had I not said I needed to be home by five o’clock.  We had a lot in common and got along famously.

Date #3 was around dinner time.  He had to drive almost two hours to get here and I had already verified where he worked, made sure he was who he said he was, etc., so I had him pick me up at my house.  My son was home so they got to meet and got along very well.  We went out to dinner and again, the conversation was plentiful and effortless.  We laughed a lot, and enjoyed a good meal together.  He also was better looking in person than in his pictures.  After we ate I suggested that we either go to a new mini-golf place that opened up in town, or, we go back to my house and watch a movie and have some more cocktails.  He opted for the movie, and we ended up watching “The Hangover,” which is one of my all-time favorite movies.

Both #2 and #3 were very flattering and complimentary about my looks and my personality.  They were both perfect gentlemen, and both indicated that would like to see me again.  I have learned that too often people say that and don’t mean it, or, they change their mind about it before the next date ever comes to fruition.  So we shall see.

The good news is that I had a great time this weekend, and there were no ugly surprises.  Nobody chewed with their mouth open, farted at dinner or suddenly started pledging allegiance to Donald Trump (which would, I’m sorry, be a deal breaker for me.  I could forgive a fart, but not complete lunacy).  I’m about to go out of town for a week so I don’t have to think about what the next step is for awhile.  I do know I’m not good at juggling lots of guys at once.  This business of having three dates in one weekend is not something I will repeat.  But it sure was nice after such a long dry spell to have some options for a change!

Dating Grammar Hell

bad-grammarI thought you might enjoy seeing some of the delightful people who LIKE ME on Match.com   These are their opening profile statements.

I don’t need a guy who is great looking.  I don’t need one who is well-built.  I don’t need one who makes a ton of money, either.  But…I’m a grammar snob.  What can I tell you?   I like language.  I like people who can use it reasonably well.  Most people on Match.com just don’t think it matters.  Or else maybe they don’t KNOW that it does?  Either way, I’m completely turned off.

I am letting my Match.com account expire in 10 days when it runs out, and I don’t think I’ll be renewing.  For now, you just enjoy these literary works of jean-ee-us.7 6 5 4 3 2 1

 

 

Starbuck’s

This picture looks nothing like me, or the guy I had the date with today. We’re both about 20 years older than the people in the picture. But, hey, it’s at a coffee shop so it’s suitable for this blog post.

Today I had a coffee date with a guy from Match I just started talking to a couple of days ago. I  don’t usually try to meet people so early, but his profile seemed genuine and the communication we had by e-mail seemed sincere enough.  He had a nice face in his pictures.  A rugged, dark haired, dark-eyed guy who appeared to be Italian or Greek (turned out he was a combo of both).

He mentioned that he was heading to the beach and would be coming through my town on his way today, and wondered if we might meet for coffee.  His approach was very gentlemanly and I thought to myself, “Why the hell not?”  He suggested Starbuck’s, and we agreed to meet at 4:00 p.m.

I got there a little early, got a drink and sat down on the patio.  It was a gorgeous day–much too nice to be indoors.  I wanted to get settled and comfortable, and I also wanted to see him walk in and make sure he was what was in the pictures I had seen, and not somebody who was a lot older, or completely different!

He had told me he had a jacked-up step-side pick-up truck that he affectionately named “The Overcompensator” (I knew then he had a good sense of humor).  When I saw a big truck roll into the parking lot I knew right away it was him.

After he got out of the truck I waved to him and he came over to the table.  We shook hands, introduced ourselves, and sat down.  We talked non-stop, and found that we had a lot in common.  We both had found online dating to be very sketchy at best, filled with people who were … well, sketchy.  We both have a sibling we don’t have any use for (I know, family dysfunction is probably not a positive, but at least we have the same kind of dysfunction!).  One of the best things we had in common was our love for the beach.

A New York native (not just any New Yorker, but a Long Islander), he moved here years ago.  I love New Yorkers.  They are friendly, honest, real people, so the fact that he was from there did not bother me in the least.  His accent was really kind of cute.  And I was very impressed that he loves it here, rather than complaining about the south (which people from the north sometimes do).

He is gainfully employed with a reputable company, and considers himself a bit of a workaholic.  His younger daughter just graduated from high school, so his kids are pretty much grown.  He loves to travel.  He doesn’t like organized religion.  We both had some of the same questions about how the universe started, and what is really “out there” (or not out there, as the case may be).  He wants to take things slow, and just be friends first and see what happens.

He seemed genuinely interested in me, my career, my family, and my interests.  He asked good questions, shared some of his own anecdotes, and we had a lot of laughs.  He kept telling me how funny I was because he said I was really “dead-pan.” (I never knew I did that, but okay.  As long as he found it entertaining, that was a plus for me.)

In summary….I really enjoyed myself!  I didn’t even look at my watch until almost two hours had gone by.   I needed to get home to make dinner, and he needed to get on to the beach.  So we sort of concluded our get together, again with a handshake.

He said that I was very interesting, and a lot of fun, and that once he gets back from a business trip next week, would I like to get together again?  I said sure, I’d love to.  And, I really would!

So, perhaps there is intelligent, single life out there after all.  Only time will tell….

 

“Date-Free” And Loving It!

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The face I made after listening to some of the people I met on dating sites….

It’s been over two months since I gave up on meeting anyone special.  I did have one or two other prospects that were carryovers from the online dating scene, but they quickly faded away.

One was named Allen.  He was a Naval officer who lived about 3 hours from me.  We met one day at an in-between point and had lunch, drank some wine, had a great time, and promised we were going to get together again.  Each time I would suggest something he was busy.  If he suggested something, I was busy with work or medical appointments or travel of my own.  Then one day he said he was coming to see me on Wednesday and taking me out to dinner.  Cool!  I was really looking forward to that.

I never heard another word.  Not one word.

There was no pathetic text breaking the date because his dog was sick with strep, no “Sorry, I can’t make it” call.  Nothing.  I am assuming he either met somebody else or he was with someone else all along.  No great loss, he talked a lot about himself and would sometimes leave me bored senseless from listening to his stories about work.

 

Since then, I have been completely “date-free.”  No social life with the opposite sex, and no prospect of one.  Candidly, I really don’t miss the ups and downs of checking a dating site every day.  Mostly what I found were scammers looking for a sucker, or idiots who couldn’t read (or couldn’t comprehend what they read).  It was exhausting after awhile.  So, I am back to the old fashioned standard of meeting people in bars.

That was a joke.  I rarely go to bars, and when I do I’m with my friends and not looking to meet anyone.  I just said that to see if you were awake.

During this hiatus from dating, I am getting to know myself a little better, I’ve had a lot more time to focus on my job and best of all I’ve spent a lot more time with my son.  These are all good uses of my time and I think in many ways they are having a healing effect on me.  I sometimes find myself with too much time on my hands, and that is not a bad thing, either.  I relax.  I watch movies or engage in mindless activities. As a result I don’t feel overworked or spread too thin or worn out.  Hey, the bright side is that if Mr. Right shows up maybe I won’t ruin it by being exhausted and jaded from the online dating fiasco!  Maybe there is something to be said for this “date-free” lifestyle!

Man Boobs

Beer-gut-man-boobs-no-testosteroneI hate it on dating sites when men put up shirtless pictures of themselves.

WOMEN ARE GENERALLY NOT INTO MAN BOOBS.  Why don’t they understand that?!?!

Even if you have chiseled perfect pecs, I don’t want to see them online.  More importantly, I find that the kind of guy who puts up a shirtless pic of himself is almost always an arrogant ass.   EVERY man who has contacted me with a shirtless picture has also proven to be very cocky and over confident.

I encountered one such person yesterday.  He wasn’t particularly good looking, didn’t have much to offer in terms of a professional profile, but THERE WERE HIS TITS FOR ME TO ENJOY.  On top of that, he talked down to me, which as we all know is a sure fire way to get to… “Delete.  Block.  Next.”

Just say NO to man boobs!!!!

My New Approach to Online Dating

woman-rejecting-man-online-datingI have, over the last few weeks, taken a new approach to online dating.  It’s actually called “Delete.  Block.  Next.”

On my dating profiles I have posted a list of non-negotiable requirements for a mate.  And I state very clearly that “these are not negotiable items.”  So far almost everyone who has contacted me clearly does not meet at least one or more of those requirements.  So, then comes…”Delete.  Block.  Next.”

I have tried for almost two years to be kind-hearted, understanding, and open-minded.  And what ultimately has happened is I’ve tried to make chicken salad out of chicken shit more than once.  So, I thought I’d try a different approach–a ruthless one when it comes to culling out candidates.

Here’s my list.

I am looking for someone who:

*has a college or graduate school education
*has a professional career and/or a successful business
*is financially secure and stable
*is actually single (and not just separated)
*is not religious (or if you are, you can completely respect the fact that I am not)
*does not smoke cigarettes at all (occasional cigar or joint is fine)
*is not married (I’m sorry “she” doesn’t understand you, but I’m not going to play mistress–see point about being single above)
*offers up recent and unretouched photos of themselves on this site
*lives within a 1-2 hour drive of me
*does not enjoy hunting for sport (you only kill what you actually eat)
*is mature (at least 40 years of age)
*supports LGBT rights in all respects (this is a social cause that is very important to me)
*is looking for something long-lasting in terms of a relationship, and not a booty call.
*can write a complete sentence and spell (most words–hey, nobody is perfect!) correctly.
*is a gentleman.
*is turned on by an independent self-sufficient woman who makes her own living
*loves dogs (cats are okay, too, but you must be appreciative and welcoming of dog presence!)

If someone contacts me who clearly doesn’t meet all these requirements?  “Delete.  Block.  Next.”

If someone contacts me who clearly hasn’t read my profile in the first place?  “Delete.  Block.  Next.”

I know that sounds harsh, but, settling for someone who didn’t meet all those requirements has been the way I’ve approached dating my entire life, and I’ve ended up always, ALWAYS, with the wrong person!  The only common denominator I see with all those failed relationships is ME, and so I have to change what I’m doing.  I’m trying this to see what happens.

So far this approach has significantly reduced the number of people who contact me.  I’m okay with that, because before I was responding to several people a day saying, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think we are compatible.  Good luck with your search.”

So far I’ve had some asshole contact me and ask me who “hurt” me.  (“Delete.  Block.  Next.”) I am not going to apologize for knowing what I want and need in a man, and the right man WILL appreciate that I do!  I’ll keep you posted…until next time, have a magical day!

 

 

 

And the Dance Continues…

So I have been on Plenty of Freaks for two weeks now.  I have had all kinds of interesting people contact me.  Most have been very nice and respectful, and took no for an answer pretty well whenonline-dating-header2 I said “No thanks.”  I have met a two people in a public place to see if there was any chemistry.  I’ll tell you about them here.

One was Kevin.  He was a LOT fatter than his profile picture, but only in the gut area.  Men are delusional about that, just as we women are about the size of our asses.  They’ll look at an older picture and think, “Hey, that’s me!” when in reality today there’s the equivalent of “me plus another 30% of me.” I didn’t hold that against him.  He commented on his size, and said he was exercising and working on losing weight.  So he was at least aware that he had entered the furniture stage of life (his chest had fallen into his drawers).

Kevin was very very nice, and the conversation flowed well for over two hours.  We made each other laugh, we were on the same page politically, and had a lot in common all the way around.  He did mention a few things about his relationship with his kids, though, that really bothered me.  He said that his daughters “do not choose to spend time with” him.  The last person who had a tense relationship with his kids was the ex-almost-husband, and as it turned out the problem was not just the kids–it was also him.  So, I’m not sure what to make of ol’ Kevin just yet.  Not sure I will see him again.

And then there was Paddy, whose pictures did not do him justice.  He was nice looking in his pictures but about 110% cuter in person.  We met at a favorite restaurant/pub of mine and sat in a booth, so he was directly across from me and I couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was.  O.M.G.  Black hair with just a touch of gray, wicked green eyes, very muscular but not pumped up.  I don’t like my men to look like the Michelin Man, but some muscles are preferable to doughy tissue.

As soon as we met I said, “Hey, I have a strange question for you.  You’re not married, are you?”  After my last meet and greet with the married lawyer, I decided I better just come right out and ask this question from now on, just to save time and cut straight to the chase.   He assured me that he was not, and that the divorce was finalized several years back.

Between the tour I gave him of my town, and the time at the pub, we spent five hours together and there was never a lull in the conversation.  It was truly wonderful conversation, lots of laughs, lots of things in common, and a mutual enjoyment of good beer (but not too many!)  I was so comfortable with him that on the tour (I was driving) I brought him out to my house to show him where I lived.  I was just going to drive by and noticed my son was at home so I pulled in and brought him in to meet the boy.  And the dogs.  I figured we might as well put him through those tests immediately.  He did fine.

(Later that evening, my son asked me this:  “How old was that guy?”  I said “He turns 45 next week,” and he said, “Oh, he looks like he’s in his 20’s.  I thought you had turned into a cougar or something.”  I was tickled and giddy the rest of the night.)

Anyhoo…. the time we spent talking at the pub was interesting because I just couldn’t get a read on how well he was enjoying himself.  He seemed happy but the little worry wart in the back of my brain was already wondering, “Will I see him again?  I’d like to… I wonder if he’ll ask me out again?  Oh crap… I bet he won’t….”   I told that little nagging doomsday bitch to shut up as often as I could.

So eventually, he did mention that he had Saturday off from work, and asked if I wanted to do something.  Great success!   The best part was when we parted company.  He was the most perfect gentleman I have ever seen, because he asked me if I would like a goodnight kiss!  No planting one on me when I wasn’t ready, no sliding his tongue out at me on the inbound approach… just a polite question.  I said yes.  The boy has very fine kissing skills!

Saturday came around, and I drove to see him this time (we live about an hour and a half apart). I got to see his place.  It was clearly a bachelor pad, with no signs that a woman had ever lived there (or if she did, she took everything with her when she left).  He had a full slate of activities planned:  a trip to the aquarium, a video game/bowling center that I had previously mentioned I liked, hitting some golf balls, a stop at a local beer shop with live music, and takeout food for dinner.  He then kept telling me if I saw something in the plan I wanted to change to just speak up.  I was quite thrilled with his agenda and didn’t deviate from it at all.

Once again, he was a perfect gentleman.  Although we practiced kissing quite a bit more, he did not try to escalate things beyond that.  I appreciated that, in spite of the fact that the chemistry was definitely there.

So….Paddy is funny, handsome, extremely smart, polite, fun to be with…I must confess that the doomsday girl keeps screaming at me… “WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM?  THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING!!!!”  I shall proceed cautiously, with my eyes open, and try to enjoy whatever happens next.  Trust no longer comes easy for me, given what I’ve been through.  But, maybe that’s a good thing?  My mother always told me I was too trusting.  And I guess I am and always have been.

I’ll keep you informed of the latest developments…thanks to all of you who offer encouragement, advice, support, etc.

Pants on Fire!

Liar-Liar-Pants-on-FireWhat the HELL is it with married guys on these dating sites?  Here’s one I just ran across… we talked for several weeks, off and on, and he listed himself as “single” but as you can see, he isn’t:

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NO, I DIDN’T “REMEMBER”  because I was never told.  So here is his explanation:

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That was YESTERDAY on OKStupid.  Today on POF (aka “Plenty of Freaks”) I see him.  Notice his profile says he is “single”:

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As if that’s not bad enough, I recently talked to someone who came on VERY eager to meet me, and seemed like he might be a really good fit.  He sounded chivalrous and romantic and all that other good stuff.  I was very intrigued.

He said he was a lawyer in town, a very prominent figure, and eventually I figured out who he was and sure enough, he was indeed a lawyer here in town.  I have a general rule that I do not respond to anyone who doesn’t have a picture posted, but, given his notoriety I understood why he didn’t.  I was able to see his picture on his business page and thought he was quite handsome.  I told him that.  The possibility of dating a professional man seemed too good to be true (it was, apparently) and I was excited about meeting him.  He had really sold himself to me and even offered to pick me up in Charlotte when I was stranded in between flights.

We agreed to meet in a public place to see if there was any “chemistry.”  First, I’m going to show you the messages that led up to our meeting, and yes, I’m leaving his i.d. visible because women need to be warned away from this jerk:

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Notice his looking for SINGLE women.  That would lead one to believe he is also single.  Right?  And then here are some messages leading up to our meeting.


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By the way he is using voice-to-text which is why the occasional word seems out of place or odd (instead of “teslize” it should be “realize”).

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(Tuesday was when we had planned to meet).  I agreed to meet in a public place that evening.

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So we met at 9:00.  The first thing out of his mouth was “So what do you know about me?”  I told him not much, just that he was an attorney and what he specialized in with respect to his practice.  The next words out of his mouth:

“Have you heard I’m married?”

I said, “Well, actually, I have a lawyer friend and I asked her about you.  She said she thought you were married, but she wasn’t sure.”

What I anticipated coming next was, “I was, but I’m separated/divorced now.”  Nope.  Instead, I got this:

“Oh I am!  Absolutely!  I’m married to an angel.”

At this point I guess I should have just walked out but morbid curiosity got the better of me.  So I asked him why he was trying to meet me, and he goes into this big long story about owning a really nice house in the mountains, he was there alone one weekend working on it, he fell and hit his head and knocked himself out one day.  That’s when he decided he didn’t want to travel alone anymore, but alas, the wife won’t travel with him.  And that was the story.

He said “She’s not happy about this,” referring to the fact that he was looking for a “traveling companion” (aka, a “mistress”).  I was just flabbergasted and by then I had something to eat in front of me so I finished it and fortunately the place was closing.  So we had to get up and walk out.  He wanted to know if we were still on for lunch Tuesday and I must have had a gosh awful look on my face.  He said I didn’t have to go.  Thanks, asshole.  I told him I just didn’t want to date a married guy.

FYI, I have found his wife on Facebook and have sent her a couple of private messages that she hasn’t opened yet.  I’m going to show her what her husband is up to, because even though he says she knows, I have to wonder if she really does.  Something tells me if she ever responds she will be pissed at me or blame me for it but I just think the woman has a right to know what he’s out there doing.  I know I would want someone to tell me if positions were reversed.  And, I have now modified my online profiles to say “No married guys,” but I seriously doubt any of them will pay attention to that.  Heaven forbid people read.  Or be honest.  <sigh>

Plenty of Freaks (a.k.a. “Windsurfer can SUCK IT”)

I joined Plenty of Fish and I think it should instead be called “Plenty of Freaks.”  I’ve so far talked to some really nice people and will be having first meetings with three of them this week!  Sadly, though, there are a few real pinheads on there.  Here’s a sample of what I’ve encountered.

This guy wrote to me and kept talking about how little he drinks and how much money he has and made out like he was really interested in me.  I wrote him back and said thanks, but “unfortunately I don’t think we are compatible.  Good luck with your search.”

He writes back and says something like, “I rarely date people like you anyway because it’s hard to carry on a conversation… ” and then proceeds to talk more about how much money he has in his pocket.  Like I give a shit???

My response, just before blocking him, was “It’s your attitude that’s unattractive.  Get over yourself!”  (Note:  the screen name has been changed to protect this fool!)

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