I’m Just So Done

It’s been a high drama week.  I’ve been on Plenty of Fish (POF) for several months, hoping to find someone nice.  Nope.  I did find my ex-fiance.

The ex-almost-husband contacted me yet again! WHY he feels the need to keep crawling around like the miserable little cockroach he is just truly puzzles me.  But, I’m done playing around.

For the woman out there who has the good sense to do her research on him… let me fill you in!   I’m going to make sure you know what you’ve found.

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This is Bobby Gene Chandler.  He’s being awfully creative with the truth in this profile.  His Facebook profile says he lives in Newport, but his POF profile (shown above) says he lives in Cedar Point.  Not sure which it is.

He is NOT a “Christian” to my knowledge.  He told me how much he hated religion.

He is not an aircraft planner and estimator.  As far as I know he used to be, but according to Facebook he is now or recently was a “machinist” at Flander’s Filters.

The big lie?  He does NOT have a bachelor’s degree.  He finished high school (as far as I know), but I’m not sure he’s ever set foot on a college campus.  I don’t understand why anyone would lie so much about something that is this verifiable.

My lawyer made it clear to him two years ago to leave me alone and never contact me again.  This is the second time he’s contacted me since then.  He sent me this little e-mail on www.pof.com acting like nothing bad ever happened.  Like we are friends or something?  Please!

And the funniest thing…. says he doesn’t want a “player.”  Yet he’s the one who cheated on me for over a year, when we were supposedly in a serious relationship.  Why I forgave him for that is beyond me.  Just sheer stupidity I guess.

Anyway, if you are dating this man, be careful to verify every fact and detail that you believe to be true.  Sadly I’m guessing you’ll find that there’s some creative story telling going on.

Epilogue:   At least one woman saw this blog post and contacted me.  Read about it here.  

Pants on Fire!

Liar-Liar-Pants-on-FireWhat the HELL is it with married guys on these dating sites?  Here’s one I just ran across… we talked for several weeks, off and on, and he listed himself as “single” but as you can see, he isn’t:

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NO, I DIDN’T “REMEMBER”  because I was never told.  So here is his explanation:

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That was YESTERDAY on OKStupid.  Today on POF (aka “Plenty of Freaks”) I see him.  Notice his profile says he is “single”:

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As if that’s not bad enough, I recently talked to someone who came on VERY eager to meet me, and seemed like he might be a really good fit.  He sounded chivalrous and romantic and all that other good stuff.  I was very intrigued.

He said he was a lawyer in town, a very prominent figure, and eventually I figured out who he was and sure enough, he was indeed a lawyer here in town.  I have a general rule that I do not respond to anyone who doesn’t have a picture posted, but, given his notoriety I understood why he didn’t.  I was able to see his picture on his business page and thought he was quite handsome.  I told him that.  The possibility of dating a professional man seemed too good to be true (it was, apparently) and I was excited about meeting him.  He had really sold himself to me and even offered to pick me up in Charlotte when I was stranded in between flights.

We agreed to meet in a public place to see if there was any “chemistry.”  First, I’m going to show you the messages that led up to our meeting, and yes, I’m leaving his i.d. visible because women need to be warned away from this jerk:

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Notice his looking for SINGLE women.  That would lead one to believe he is also single.  Right?  And then here are some messages leading up to our meeting.


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By the way he is using voice-to-text which is why the occasional word seems out of place or odd (instead of “teslize” it should be “realize”).

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(Tuesday was when we had planned to meet).  I agreed to meet in a public place that evening.

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So we met at 9:00.  The first thing out of his mouth was “So what do you know about me?”  I told him not much, just that he was an attorney and what he specialized in with respect to his practice.  The next words out of his mouth:

“Have you heard I’m married?”

I said, “Well, actually, I have a lawyer friend and I asked her about you.  She said she thought you were married, but she wasn’t sure.”

What I anticipated coming next was, “I was, but I’m separated/divorced now.”  Nope.  Instead, I got this:

“Oh I am!  Absolutely!  I’m married to an angel.”

At this point I guess I should have just walked out but morbid curiosity got the better of me.  So I asked him why he was trying to meet me, and he goes into this big long story about owning a really nice house in the mountains, he was there alone one weekend working on it, he fell and hit his head and knocked himself out one day.  That’s when he decided he didn’t want to travel alone anymore, but alas, the wife won’t travel with him.  And that was the story.

He said “She’s not happy about this,” referring to the fact that he was looking for a “traveling companion” (aka, a “mistress”).  I was just flabbergasted and by then I had something to eat in front of me so I finished it and fortunately the place was closing.  So we had to get up and walk out.  He wanted to know if we were still on for lunch Tuesday and I must have had a gosh awful look on my face.  He said I didn’t have to go.  Thanks, asshole.  I told him I just didn’t want to date a married guy.

FYI, I have found his wife on Facebook and have sent her a couple of private messages that she hasn’t opened yet.  I’m going to show her what her husband is up to, because even though he says she knows, I have to wonder if she really does.  Something tells me if she ever responds she will be pissed at me or blame me for it but I just think the woman has a right to know what he’s out there doing.  I know I would want someone to tell me if positions were reversed.  And, I have now modified my online profiles to say “No married guys,” but I seriously doubt any of them will pay attention to that.  Heaven forbid people read.  Or be honest.  <sigh>

Why You Shouldn’t Date From Craig’s List

I would like to welcome my very first guest blogger!  “Rhonda” shared her story with me about online dating and I thought you would find it intriguing.  Here it is!

Misrepresentation, eh? Yeah. Lemme tell you a story about someone I dated for a short time. Not just dated, but someone I really, really tried hard to make better. To make the relationship work. I saw potential and I really did try. The man is a sociopath, though, and luckily I learned this quickly. I wasted about six months of my life working on this, and came out of it feeling battered and exhausted. This man is a real piece of work.

I happened upon his current eHarmony profile when I went looking, kind of, just out of curiosity as to what he might be doing now. I typed in the names of his three dogs, in Google, and voila, what appears? His eHarmony profile! VERY weird, I think, that that comes up in a Google search, to a random person who doesn’t belong to eHarmony.

So, originally I became acquainted with him from a post he’d put on Craig’s List in the section of the personals called Strictly Platonic. I’d happened upon that purely by accident while putting up an ad to sell some vinyl flooring. Strictly Platonic ads? Why would someone need to place an ad like THAT? Oh, I see, gardening advice, running buddies, car pool to the mountains, I see. His ad was there, and it was heartwrenching, really. I read it and reread it, and decided to reach out to this lonely man. It was really quite convincing, and may have been genuine in its intention, of meeting someone nice to have lunch with, swap emails. He WAS lonely. He IS lonely still, and of course, now I know why. ANYway. (I’m a sucker and believe everyone is honest, why would they not be?? lol.)

Misrepresentation is a gross understatement in his case. I believe this guy is a sociopath, completely self-involved and unable to tell the truth. He wants a relationship, he truly does. He claims to be the most sensitive man you’ve ever met, the kindest, most loyal, most caring. What he cares about is himself. What he’s sensitive about is his OWN needs, and he doesn’t understand kindness. Very, VERY weird, I’ve never met another person like this, I have to say. When we actually met, he was kind, he was polite, he seemed sincere. We met for lunch at a restaurant halfway between my house and his. No biggie, I enjoyed the lunch. He described his life to me, his estrangement and separation from his wife, his estrangement from all of his three grown daughters. (Red flag, red flag!) His loneliness, how his only friends are his three little dogs. I felt sorry for him, I truly did.

In his working life, he was always one of the higher-ups. CEO, VP, big IT guy. I believe he honed all of his skills out of a need to deflect any blame for anything at work off of himself and onto someone else. His dishonestly was so profound, and encompassed so many facets of his life it was frightening. Luckily those things became obvious quickly and I wasn’t strung along for very long.

One of the very first things that happened was this. Small enough, it seemed, but indicative of way more: at the time I met him I was 47 and he was 62. He told be he was 54 and would soon be turning 55. It took me seeing a stitchery sampler on the wall of his home showing his wedding date as being in 1966. Let’s see, in 1966, if he got married when he was 20, that would make him 62. I commented on it, and said, ‘Hmmm…you got married when you were 12??’ He got mad, furious at me, for even THINKING to wonder about that. Told me he thought I should leave. But I held my ground, asked him to please explain the discrepancy. WHY would you lie to me about your age? Why is that important? He just thought he would seem too old to me, he said. He feels younger, doesn’t seem like he’s in his 60s, doesn’t look like he’s in his 60s, so why is that important? I told him I understood his insecurity about that, but really, I didn’t appreciate being lied to. I should have walked away there, that became the tip of the iceburg, and that was right off the bat shortly after I first met him.

This man criticized my politics, put me down for my weight, even though he was overweight himself.  He EVEN went so far as to point out that my GENITALS were fat, and that if I’d lose weight, my labia would be THAT much less flabby.   He bashed my parenting, my education (I was at LEAST as smart as he was, probably actually left him in the dust), my artistic interests, um, yeah, every single thing about me. He told me I was ‘unstable’ because I was stressed about whether or not to use pretty much all of my savings to pay off my second mortgage. Holy crap, writing it all down sure brings it all back, and makes me want to puke. Six months of my life I spent, and why? I honesly don’t know why. I said I saw potential? What potential? That can’t have been it. He was utterly selfish in bed, too, so it wasn’t that. (He’d finish and say, “I’m so sorry that was so fast, I owe you one…” Zzzzzzz….OWE me one?? Why do you have to OWE me one?)

In his eHarmony ad I note the following, and this is 8 YEARS after I knew and was involved with him: He still uses the very same words and phrases to describe himself as he did all those years ago. He is still searching for the same thing. NOTHING has changed for him, not one thing, and there is almost nothing in his profile that is true, still. Today, he is NOT 62, he is, in fact, 71. He is NOT divorced, only separated, and that is only a separation because of his wife’s work situation. (I guess I don’t know this for a fact, I guess they COULD be divorced now, but he told me all those years ago that they were divorced, and they were not even separated, she was just on the road all the time. I don’t believe they are divorced, but I could be wrong.) He DOES have children, three grown daughters, who have 86ed him out of their lives. He smokes a LOT, he drinks every day (I believe he’s a mean alcoholic) and he’s FAR from being ‘somewhat conservative.’ (He’s hardcore Republican, and while he told me it made no difference to him that I’m so liberal, he beat me up for my views every time the matter came up. Fox News Guy would probably pale compared to this douche bag.)

Also telling in his profile: the things he’s most thankful for are ALL things about himSELF, none of which are true. None of them, not one. I have no way of knowing how many other women he’s battered in his quest for a nice lady, but it’s got to be a lot. I can’t figure out why his wife has actually hung in there for so long either, but it might have something to do with $$. He made a lot, and might actually still with his pensions and all. (She’s no slouch herself, though, she’s worked her way up and is pretty high up there herself.) He might be refusing to ‘let’ her divorce him, knowing she’d walk away with at least half of everything. Oh, yeah, there are two true things in his profile: his name is Ed, and he does have three dogs.

I wish I had time to describe each and every little detail. They are sickening and disheartening, and I felt the sting for a long time afterward. He had to move back to Florida when the people renting their home there lost their jobs and had to vacate. He needed to go back there to get the house ready to sell, and I was free of him, thank God. He texted me a couple of years ago, and asked if I missed him, lmao. What an idiot.

Cool Karma

keep-calm-and-let-karma-finish-it-32So I’ll confess… the thing with Lying Joel M. bothered me a lot more than I admitted to at the time.  And I’ll tell you why….

It wasn’t what he did.  It was that once again, I chose someone to be interested in who was just a lying bastard.  And the question I had is:  “Why?”  I know there are good men out there.  Some of my friends married good men.  I know they exist.

My friend Paige told me there is no doubt that I have a “fucker magnet.”  She’s right.  I don’t know if I was born with it, or if it’s something like a cancer that just developed and grew on its own.  (I also don’t know if it’s removable, but if it is, I want it out.)

So I did some long, hard soul searching about Lying Joel M.  And I realized that with him I violated all my own rules and guidelines for who I date and associate with from Match.com.  Here are the rules I broke:

  • I never give out my phone number until I’ve talked to someone for several weeks and established that there is chemistry.
  • I never go out with anyone until I’ve talked to them for several weeks and established that there is chemistry.
  • I never date anyone who vehemently denies the theory of evolution (because they are usually simple minded idiots).
  • I listen to my gut instincts… they are never wrong.

Yeah… I met him too soon, I went out with him too early, I slept with him too soon, and, when warning bells in my brain went off (“There’s no way in hell I came from a monkey… I just don’t believe in evolution at all… “) I ignored them.  When I was in Texas and couldn’t reach him at night, I knew something was up.  When I texted him and said “Can’t wait to see you again” and got no response, I knew there was a reason.

So, the fact that I did end up confirming that he was messing around with someone else wasn’t upsetting because he wasn’t “mine,”…. it was upsetting because I felt that by ignoring my own standards, I sort of asked for it.

What’s funny is a few days later, I finally connected with a physician I had been talking to on Match.com for several weeks.  Our schedules never worked out before, and, we finally got together for beers.  And he was cute, and funny, and personable, and intelligent.  And we’ve since had a second date, and I’m cooking dinner for him tomorrow night.

So … I got dumped by a lying, cheating roof salesman, but now I’m dating a doctor.  Sometimes shit just works out.  I love it.