I would like to welcome my very first guest blogger! “Rhonda” shared her story with me about online dating and I thought you would find it intriguing. Here it is!
Misrepresentation, eh? Yeah. Lemme tell you a story about someone I dated for a short time. Not just dated, but someone I really, really tried hard to make better. To make the relationship work. I saw potential and I really did try. The man is a sociopath, though, and luckily I learned this quickly. I wasted about six months of my life working on this, and came out of it feeling battered and exhausted. This man is a real piece of work.
I happened upon his current eHarmony profile when I went looking, kind of, just out of curiosity as to what he might be doing now. I typed in the names of his three dogs, in Google, and voila, what appears? His eHarmony profile! VERY weird, I think, that that comes up in a Google search, to a random person who doesn’t belong to eHarmony.
So, originally I became acquainted with him from a post he’d put on Craig’s List in the section of the personals called Strictly Platonic. I’d happened upon that purely by accident while putting up an ad to sell some vinyl flooring. Strictly Platonic ads? Why would someone need to place an ad like THAT? Oh, I see, gardening advice, running buddies, car pool to the mountains, I see. His ad was there, and it was heartwrenching, really. I read it and reread it, and decided to reach out to this lonely man. It was really quite convincing, and may have been genuine in its intention, of meeting someone nice to have lunch with, swap emails. He WAS lonely. He IS lonely still, and of course, now I know why. ANYway. (I’m a sucker and believe everyone is honest, why would they not be?? lol.)
Misrepresentation is a gross understatement in his case. I believe this guy is a sociopath, completely self-involved and unable to tell the truth. He wants a relationship, he truly does. He claims to be the most sensitive man you’ve ever met, the kindest, most loyal, most caring. What he cares about is himself. What he’s sensitive about is his OWN needs, and he doesn’t understand kindness. Very, VERY weird, I’ve never met another person like this, I have to say. When we actually met, he was kind, he was polite, he seemed sincere. We met for lunch at a restaurant halfway between my house and his. No biggie, I enjoyed the lunch. He described his life to me, his estrangement and separation from his wife, his estrangement from all of his three grown daughters. (Red flag, red flag!) His loneliness, how his only friends are his three little dogs. I felt sorry for him, I truly did.
In his working life, he was always one of the higher-ups. CEO, VP, big IT guy. I believe he honed all of his skills out of a need to deflect any blame for anything at work off of himself and onto someone else. His dishonestly was so profound, and encompassed so many facets of his life it was frightening. Luckily those things became obvious quickly and I wasn’t strung along for very long.
One of the very first things that happened was this. Small enough, it seemed, but indicative of way more: at the time I met him I was 47 and he was 62. He told be he was 54 and would soon be turning 55. It took me seeing a stitchery sampler on the wall of his home showing his wedding date as being in 1966. Let’s see, in 1966, if he got married when he was 20, that would make him 62. I commented on it, and said, ‘Hmmm…you got married when you were 12??’ He got mad, furious at me, for even THINKING to wonder about that. Told me he thought I should leave. But I held my ground, asked him to please explain the discrepancy. WHY would you lie to me about your age? Why is that important? He just thought he would seem too old to me, he said. He feels younger, doesn’t seem like he’s in his 60s, doesn’t look like he’s in his 60s, so why is that important? I told him I understood his insecurity about that, but really, I didn’t appreciate being lied to. I should have walked away there, that became the tip of the iceburg, and that was right off the bat shortly after I first met him.
This man criticized my politics, put me down for my weight, even though he was overweight himself. He EVEN went so far as to point out that my GENITALS were fat, and that if I’d lose weight, my labia would be THAT much less flabby. He bashed my parenting, my education (I was at LEAST as smart as he was, probably actually left him in the dust), my artistic interests, um, yeah, every single thing about me. He told me I was ‘unstable’ because I was stressed about whether or not to use pretty much all of my savings to pay off my second mortgage. Holy crap, writing it all down sure brings it all back, and makes me want to puke. Six months of my life I spent, and why? I honesly don’t know why. I said I saw potential? What potential? That can’t have been it. He was utterly selfish in bed, too, so it wasn’t that. (He’d finish and say, “I’m so sorry that was so fast, I owe you one…” Zzzzzzz….OWE me one?? Why do you have to OWE me one?)
In his eHarmony ad I note the following, and this is 8 YEARS after I knew and was involved with him: He still uses the very same words and phrases to describe himself as he did all those years ago. He is still searching for the same thing. NOTHING has changed for him, not one thing, and there is almost nothing in his profile that is true, still. Today, he is NOT 62, he is, in fact, 71. He is NOT divorced, only separated, and that is only a separation because of his wife’s work situation. (I guess I don’t know this for a fact, I guess they COULD be divorced now, but he told me all those years ago that they were divorced, and they were not even separated, she was just on the road all the time. I don’t believe they are divorced, but I could be wrong.) He DOES have children, three grown daughters, who have 86ed him out of their lives. He smokes a LOT, he drinks every day (I believe he’s a mean alcoholic) and he’s FAR from being ‘somewhat conservative.’ (He’s hardcore Republican, and while he told me it made no difference to him that I’m so liberal, he beat me up for my views every time the matter came up. Fox News Guy would probably pale compared to this douche bag.)
Also telling in his profile: the things he’s most thankful for are ALL things about himSELF, none of which are true. None of them, not one. I have no way of knowing how many other women he’s battered in his quest for a nice lady, but it’s got to be a lot. I can’t figure out why his wife has actually hung in there for so long either, but it might have something to do with $$. He made a lot, and might actually still with his pensions and all. (She’s no slouch herself, though, she’s worked her way up and is pretty high up there herself.) He might be refusing to ‘let’ her divorce him, knowing she’d walk away with at least half of everything. Oh, yeah, there are two true things in his profile: his name is Ed, and he does have three dogs.
I wish I had time to describe each and every little detail. They are sickening and disheartening, and I felt the sting for a long time afterward. He had to move back to Florida when the people renting their home there lost their jobs and had to vacate. He needed to go back there to get the house ready to sell, and I was free of him, thank God. He texted me a couple of years ago, and asked if I missed him, lmao. What an idiot.